All employees must convulse wildly before returning to work

dear whomever invented motion detectors on public restroom faucets and soap dispensers,

you could have done a better job, i'd honestly rather risk touching a "germ-laden" faucet than go from sink to sink waving my hands around like a jackass.

thanks for nothing, you hypochondriac motherfucker.

-dan

Fast Food's Janitorial Hierarchy

dear boss,

don't tell me there's no money for me to get a raise when you just promoted a retard.

-kevin

Bowel Movements in E Minor

dear guy in the bathroom at work yesterday,

I hope you weren't too freaked out when I chimed in and finished the line while you were singing Dean Martin's "Sway."

it's just too good of a song for me to pass up.



P.S. - who the fuck sings while they're taking a dump in a public bathroom, anyway?

-anon

WHAT EXIT YA FROM?

dear douchebag driver from this morning,

i still feel like i have the shakes from you almost destroying me on the parkway. thanks for being so careful behind the wheel!

love, aimee